My choice to homeschool didn’t come easy. There were a ton of trial-and-error moments that led to our decision. One of them was deciding to try public school first.
We truly believed it was the right step for our family.
And in some ways, it was.
But over time, small discomforts turned into bigger questions. Eventually, we made a decision I never expected.
Short on Time? Here’s the Honest Summary
- We chose public school because it felt natural and familiar.
- There were beautiful parts like structure, friendships, and confidence-building.
- Some parts slowly began to feel misaligned.
- A few moments broke my trust.
- School safety became the catalyst for leaving.
- Homeschooling ultimately brought us peace and alignment.
Now here’s the full story.
The Default Option
Public school was our default option when our daughter turned 5.
We were excited for her to meet new friends, build a great relationship with her teacher, and do all the things kids do once they enter the public school system.
There is not a person in our family or among my friends who has not gone to public school. So naturally, I followed this path. It was all I knew. And we pay taxes for this, right?
It felt like the obvious choice.
The school we chose was a Spanish immersion school that catered to the side of us that wanted something public but different.
At the time, my husband and I were both working. Although I wanted to homeschool, we just could not afford it on one salary while living in one of the most expensive cities in the country, Seattle.
Public school felt stable and normal
Socialization and Structure
We have all heard it.
“When are you going to put that baby in daycare or school for socialization?”
Humans are social beings. So socialization and structure were a huge part of our choice when we decided on public school.
Then the pandemic hit, and everything changed.
Socialization meant logging online for school to see classmates.
Maintaining a small COVID bubble of two families for playtime.
Spending time with close family.
I actually enjoyed being home with my daughter while she attended school remotely. But once students returned to classrooms, I assumed things would feel easier.
In some ways, they did.
The Good
Predictable Schedules
Public school offered a predictable schedule that helped us stay on track.
Schedules are good. But I do not do well with rigid ones.
Pickups and drop-offs while attending conference calls, because meetings cannot be moved, felt overwhelming. I kept thinking, how in the world can someone work full-time and fully take care of their kids?
Built-in Services and Community Events
What I also loved about public school was the community events and built-in services that you would otherwise pay for outside of school, such as dance and singing.
My daughter was part of a production, The Lion King. She made many friends and built confidence performing in front of a crowd.
Later, I found out these services can also be available if you homeschool, depending on the state and district. Public school participation policies vary, and I will share more about this in a later series.
The Hard Parts
One-Size-Fits-All Learning
The one-size-fits-all learning approach was tough.
From the number of tests that make your child feel like they are not good enough, to the feeling of defeat when they do not grasp something as quickly as their peers, it was discouraging.
My daughter attended a Spanish immersion school, but the district tested students in English. They were learning in Spanish. This put many kids behind and made parents feel like they made the wrong decision in choosing a specialty school.
It later became clear that the district used this approach as a way to transition the school into a dual-language model, which was not what many parents signed up for.
That broke my trust.
What Are They Learning
This part still gets me.
There was little communication about what our children were learning or what would be taught next.
For example, if they were learning about Martin Luther King Jr., there was no proactive communication. I was not prepared for my first grader to learn that he was shot because he was a person of color.
Why were first graders learning about segregation at such a young age without more guidance for parents?
My daughter came to me with the saddest eyes, asking if her friends would turn against her because she was Black.
That broke me.
I was able to share my concerns with her teacher, and she received it well. But the district has a set curriculum. The only way to know what is being taught is to ask ahead of time and remove your child from class during certain lessons.
That became exhausting.
Also, the amount of incomplete work was mind-blowing. I volunteered for class one day and noticed why the work wasn’t getting done.
There was a disruptive student who took most of the teacher’s attention. It was so bad that the principal had to come in and sit the student down so that the teacher could continue with her lesson.
If this happened the day I was there, what were the other days like?
Emotional Needs
In our home, we have always given love, kisses, and positive affirmations that our child might not always receive from the outside world.
During a parent-teacher conference, I was told that I give my daughter too much love.
Too much love!
I chuckled and brushed it off, but it stayed with me.
In a classroom with many students, emotional needs can easily get lost. There are too many children, too many needs, and not enough time.
Elementary-aged children are in one of the most critical stages of their development. They look to adults for guidance and acceptance.
Unfortunately, I realized there were not enough resources or time to fully meet that need.
Burnout
Let’s talk about burnout.
I thought having my daughter back in public school would relieve the stress we felt during remote learning, but I was wrong. It was more work than I anticipated.
At first, I viewed school like daycare. I know that is not fair to the staff and teachers, but that was my perception before experiencing it firsthand.
Public school is truly a partnership between teachers and parents. Once I understood that, I took it seriously.
I found myself emailing, calling, and raising concerns about what was being taught and about incidents happening at school.
I emailed so often that I became a little disliked, and I was okay with that.
Lack of Flexibility
Public school offered very little flexibility.
We assumed we could at least take a one-week vacation. That turned out to be nearly impossible. There were forms, notices, explanations, and approvals required.
I understand the importance of routine and accountability. But feeling like you are stepping out of line for taking time with your family did not sit well with me.
At times, it felt like the district had more control over our children’s time than we did.
The Hardest Part for Us
I will be honest.
The hardest part for us was school shootings.
One of the most heartbreaking tragedies happened during this time, one that many parents remember.
That was the catalyst for pulling our daughter out of school.
There were other reasons, but this one shook me deeply.
The lack of security, the uncertainty, and the unimaginable pain those families experienced made it impossible for me to ignore my fear.
Some parents with flexible schedules would sit in the school parking lot just to feel like they were adding an extra layer of protection.
It was not enough to bring peace.
But it reminded me that we all just want our babies to be safe.
The Moment We Started Questioning
The moment I began questioning whether this was right for us, my gut already knew the answer.
Always listen to your gut.
It is not always easy, but there is usually a reason your body feels uneasy.
I loved my daughter’s teacher, but I did not love how the district made it feel like we were not in charge of our own child.
I was repeatedly told to have my daughter’s eyes checked, even though we did so every six months.
After leaving the public school system, I realized this was sometimes a way to shift responsibility rather than examine systemic issues.
Who Public School Might Be Great For
My experience is unique to my family. There are incredible public schools that pour time and energy into supporting families and students.
If You Love Routine and Structure
If you thrive on routine, public school can be a wonderful option. One thing I appreciated was the consistency.
It took me time to realize that rigid routines are not a great fit for traveling families or families navigating multiple life changes.
There is little room for flexibility.
But if you plan to stay rooted and appreciate structure, public school may be the perfect choice.
If Your Child Thrives in Group Learning
Public school is also ideal if your child thrives in group settings.
Group learning teaches communication skills, empathy, and how to navigate different personalities.
It is also the easiest way to build friendships.
Unlike homeschooling, you do not have to seek peer interaction actively. It is built into the schedule five days a week.
Why It Ultimately Did Not Work for Our Family
I do not blame the public school system for our experience.
It simply was not aligned with what I felt in my heart for our family.
Since choosing homeschool, we experience less stress, have more insight into what our children are learning, and feel deeply connected to this season of life.
The time we have gained together is priceless.
Make the decision that is right for your family, whether that is public school, private school, online school, or homeschool.
Do not let outside pressure dictate your choice.
No one else fully understands your circumstances or your long-term vision for your family.
I would love to hear your thoughts on whether you have second-guessed a schooling decision or if there is one on your mind you’ve been planning to explore.
To read more of my “Journey to Homeschooling” Series, click here.
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From One Mama to Another
“Trusting your gut is not weakness. It is wisdom earned in love.”
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Winging It Dishes
This week, I am sharing one of my favorite crop pot meals. I wasn’t sure how I felt about a packaged beef roast meal, but this surprised me! Not only was it tasty, but it was also enough for a family of 4. If you do prefer more meat, you can add another slab of beef to make the meal stretch one more day.
Aldi’s Beef Pot Roast Kit – $13
Slow Cook for 4 to 5 Hours on High / 8 Hours on Low
