I used to have bad social anxiety.
Like, not wanting to go to the store by myself and avoiding interaction with people, level of social anxiety.
This always seemed weird to me because I loved people and was a very social person with those I knew.
I could speculate that this social anxiety grew because I cared too much about what people thought of me, or maybe it was from all the horrible things happening in public (crime, etc.).
But everything changed once I had kids.
With my first, I noticed a few things that would make me nervous while out. If she cried, I would immediately try to appease the strangers around me by apologizing and shushing her.
My husband and I even went as far as bringing treats and earplugs on a flight so our neighbors wouldn’t get annoyed if she cried. People appreciated it, and honestly, looking back, I’d do it again. It showed courtesy.
Kids are kids. They’ll make noise, cry, scream, and show their displeasure when they don’t get what they want. They’re human beings. We’re raising the next generation.
Still, society has us believing kids are a burden, especially when we’re out at restaurants, the movies, or the grocery store.
Some people have a disdain for kids that I just don’t understand. Some even go as far as to say kids shouldn’t be allowed to fly. WHAT?!!!
Now, when I’m out with my kids, I embrace them, I don’t hide them.
I let them grab the small carts from Trader Joe’s, come into the post office with me to mail things off, and go with us to restaurants we want to eat at and not just kid-focused ones where their noise is more “acceptable.”
When an issue arises, like the dreaded terrible-twos tantrum, I get down to my child’s level and help them calm down.
Even with the most difficult meltdowns, I let my child feel their emotions. And eventually, they realize it’s okay.
I don’t rush out. I don’t apologize.
And you know what? People come up to me and say, “You’re doing an amazing job with your kids.”
I’ve had many adults say this to me. I never really understood it before, but I do now. They either know what it’s like or they just don’t see parents staying calm in difficult situations anymore.
My social anxiety is non-existent these days, thanks to my kids.
I hold fun conversations with them while we’re out. Sometimes strangers chime in and make it even more interesting.
This new outlook on parenting has completely shifted my view on life. I no longer care what others think, but I am more aware and respectful of my surroundings.
If social anxiety is keeping you feeling trapped or confining your family to the house, here are a few things that helped me, and I hope they help you, too!
- Plan Ahead But Don’t Overthink It
Mentally prepare: Who will be there? How long do you plan to stay? If you feel the need to leave early, it’s okay! - Bring Snacks and Distractions
Toss a few their way and watch them forget all about the meltdown they just had. - Use Your Kiddos as a Social Buffer
Talk about your kids! Share how homeschooling (or school) is going, what activities they’re in, and how you’ve been making life fun for them. Some of my go-to one-liners: “They sure keep me busy!” or “It gets easier as time goes by.” People usually smile and agree. - Use Coping Tools and Have an Exit Plan
Meltdowns happen. Whether they’re tired, hungry, or overstimulated, finding ways to cope can make a huge difference. I usually practice deep breathing, getting down to their level for a soothing hug, or playing their favorite song on my phone. And if all else fails, make your exit. It’s okay to leave, even without saying “goodbye” to other parents. You can always text them later. They’ll understand and probably say they would’ve done the same. - Give Yourself Grace + Celebrate the Wins
You went out with your kids, WIN. You spoke to another parent, WIN. You stayed an hour longer than planned because your kids were doing great, another WIN!
The more positive reinforcement and grace you give yourself, the more your anxiety will start to fade.
What are some techniques you’ve used to help with social anxiety?
