I should be over the moon, jumping up and down, right?!

After months of endless applications, stress, and uncertainties, we finally landed a job. One with great benefits, stability, and in a city we absolutely love, Seattle.

When the email came in, we thanked the Universe and celebrated! We took the deepest breath we could take, hugged, kissed and sat with the news for a moment. All of his hard work searching finally paid off.

Deep down, I still had this pit in my stomach. We had just gone through two layoffs, and I just thought, “What if there’s a third?” I found myself worrying about the worst and not the great news we had just received.

Now, our family has been through a lot with layoffs, but in a strange way, this brought us closer together, even finding ourselves happier most times. We were together, healthy, and doing all we could do with what we had. A family member even took notice of this out-of-place happiness – “How are you guys staying so happy during this time?”

So, Why The Guilt

When your partner is out of work, things shift. From stretching the grocery budget, to finding ways to entertain the kids with free activities, and homeschooling, all while having zero energy. We even went as far as cancelling our apartment lease to travel to affordable countries because it was much cheaper than staying in the U.S. (yes, we did this!). This temporary solution helped, but we found our way back in the U.S. months later, and boy, did our debt pile up.

All of this while keeping my emotions in check because I didn’t want to add to my husband’s stress while he was working hard to keep us afloat.

There is an invisible weight that stay-at-home moms carry during seasons like this. We are not just managing a household – we are absorbing all of the fear, worry, and what-ifs. And still, we show up with a brave face with dinner ready, books to read, and lessons to be done.

So when the job came in, I didn’t feel relief, I didn’t feel the clouds part, I felt worried. My thoughts screamed,  “I need to do something, I need to bring in income, but I want to stay with the kids.” How dare I feel this way when the sun came out to shine? My husband has never pressured me into getting a job, but he knows that if there are no options left, I will jump in to take over.

The Truth I’m Learning

Relief doesn’t come once circumstances change. Sometimes our bodies and minds can be stuck in the storm, unable to see the beauty.

I thought that getting the good news would be a quick fix and a shortcut to financial happiness. But the truth is, It is going to take time to heal from living in survival mode.

If you are feeling guilty for something, it is okay! Guilt is normal, guilt is part of life. Cry is out, scream it out. Say it out loud; don’t keep it down. Then, take steps to work through it.

Have you ever felt this way after “good” news? Like you were supposed to be happy, but your heart was somewhere else?

Share in the comments if you have gone through or are going through something similar. I’d love to hear your story.

P.S. I came across this great article from Psychology Today on navigating guilt: The Problem with Guilt

MAMA TIP OF THE WEEK

“Layoffs are scary! But there is so much you can do for your family during these difficult times.”

• Acknowledge Your Emotions: You may want to be strong for everyone, but you’re impacted too. Give yourself space to feel anger, sadness, and fear.
• Revisit the Budget Together: You may want to take on the budget to lessen the burden on your partner. But this is a team challenge. Sit down with your partner to figure it out together. Sharing the burden lightens the load on you both.
• Reframe from Guilt: It’s easy to feel guilty for not bringing in income, but you are working hard. Managing a home, raising kids, and homeschooling (if you do like me) is labor. And it’s vital!
• Get Creative: Think about side hustles that are easy to manage, like selling unused or used items (I am selling unique coffee mugs 😄).
• Guard Your Marriage: Stress can be a huge factor in division in your relationship. Stay emotionally connected, communicate, and keep having fun even through the pain. If you need a break from life, take a stroll through the park or watch a funny movie (all free).
• Ask for Support: Please, please ask for help! There is no shame, and you never know who can help during difficult times. Lean on family, food programs, and free counseling. Keep in touch with your closest friends; they may not always know how to help, but they can listen and be your support system.